Say it!

Three years ago today, I sat at my dad’s bedside in Florida; he was no longer conscious and would be gone the next day. I held his hand in mine (pictured above), something that likely hadn’t happened since I was a toddler. I reflected on the past week’s events.

The Saturday before, Baby and The Schmooze had a small very intimate “first” wedding before God, and only parents and siblings were in attendance that morning; the “big” wedding would take place at the beginning of June in Massachusetts. Chewbacca held two phones, FaceTime-ing my mother-in-law and my father. Only God knew that Dad would be gone one week later.

Screenshot of Dad
congratulating the couple.

Two days later, I would be on the phone with the doctor; Dad was refusing treatment. She put the phone on speaker so I could talk to him. His body was failing as it no longer produced red blood cells, and he refused any further transfusions. His rationale, “Why should I have transfusions every week, just to watch myself die of Parkinson’s?” I admired his clear-mindedness and instructed the doctor to honor his wishes. I flew to Florida two days later.

On Wednesday afternoon, I arranged for a priest to come and administer the last sacrament, and with Chipster, my brother, on speaker, my dad prayed with his pastor. I arranged for most of my father’s grandchildren to speak with him by phone, as well as my other siblings, Sir Knight and T.O.

The following day, his last day of consciousness, I fed my father bits of peach and likewise spooned water into his mouth. In one quiet moment, I said it to him, “I love you, Dad.” And for the first time that I could ever remember, with a weak and scratchy voice, he responded, “I love you too.”

So why do I share all of this? Many of us, especially men, do not tell the people who are important in our lives that we love them. My dad was one of those who, even though my brothers and I knew he loved us, was not comfortable saying the words. I challenge you to say it, and say it often! To my siblings, I say, “I love you, Chipster, Sir Knight, a T.O.” To my children and my son-in-law, “I love you, Chewie, Dr. Baby, and Schmooze.” And to my heart, “I love you ‘J’!”

And if you won’t listen to me, then listen to the Author of Life, the Universe, and Everything who had no problem saying it…