“First Love“
Almost two months ago, I was sitting at a retreat center on Lake Winnipesaukee (NH) reading, for the fifth or sixth time, Henri Nouwen’s In the Name of Jesus. It reminded yet again of these irreplaceable words from scripture:
We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19
These words took me on a journey of reflection, and I was confronted with the past year, laden with deep emotions. The big move from New Jersey to New Hampshire was full of distractions: quick changes, a less-than-smooth relocation, adjusting to homeownership after fourteen years of living in a manse, “J”‘s less-than-easy transition in her career, and a delayed grief that came over me after Christmas. It all hit me like a ton of brinks! Ironically, only Mayhem seems to have come through the past year unscathed.
Don’t misunderstand. The church family has been incredibly welcoming and supportive, wholeheartedly embracing my wife and me, and they are very receptive to the teaching. More importantly, they are very active. The big adjustment has been the cultural context, not the church family. New Hampshire is different, and requires some time to get used to.
Since arriving home after the retreat, the journey of reflection continued. I found myself transported in the “Way Back” machine to that fateful morning in 2001. The Triune God of Grace had invited me to serve his people, even though I had a wife and two young kids. I placed my trust in him as the ONE who knitted me in my mother’s womb could not be denied. We sold the four bedroom colonial on a cul-de-sac in Amish country, left a good career, and moved to Iowa to attend seminary. (You are invited to take a break at this point to lookup Dubuque, IA)
Over the next 24 years, we would move to Illinois, western Pennsylvania, and northern New Jersey for the sake of this call. Eventually, we landed in New Hampshire. I have said it many times: “It’s a miracle my wife still talks to me, and despite my efforts to screw up my kids, they have turned out okay.”
But first love is faithful. Without this call, it is unlikely my wife would found her way into the library world, let alone acquiring two Master’s degrees. Chewbacca would not have sung at Carnegie Hall, become a productive and self-sustaining citizen, and found a core group of friends that keeps him in New Jersey. Baby may not have discovered her call to pediatrics on a mission trip; let alone meeting my all time favorite son-in-law, “The Schmooze!”
Then I look at all the important people in our lives who, because of the call, we would have never met. There’s “Walter” and Patricia, the Flying Scotsman and Mrs. Flying Scotsman, Cup-O-Joe the Exestentialist (and his Mrs.), G.doc, just to name a few.
All this to say, I love for my family who are literally part of me, but it the First Love compels me. It’s hard, yet I cannot comprehend life without it.
I pray you discover this First Love. You may not be called to ministry, but you too will be called to love!
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